Congratulations on Completing the Quiz
The score above helps you to recognize unconscious patterns that influence your partner selection and to help you determine why you are attracting the wrong partner.
Interpreting Your Results
Find out what your score means below, then click the button to get helpful insights
High Pattern Recognition
Your responses suggest strong unconscious patterns are actively influencing your partner selection.
More InformationModerate Pattern Recognition
You show awareness of some patterns but may still be unconsciously drawn to certain dynamics that don't serve you.
More InformationEmerging Pattern Recognition
You've begun recognizing some patterns in your relationships but may still be working to fully understand their origins.
More InformationMinimalPattern Recognition
Your responses suggest you may have already done significant work on breaking unhealthy attraction patterns.
More InformationHigh Pattern Recognition
Your responses suggest strong unconscious patterns are actively influencing your partner selection. These patterns likely stem from early experiences and nervous system conditioning that make certain types of connections feel familiar, even when they're not healthy. Breaking these cycles will require conscious attention to these specific patterns.
Your Strengths
You have strong self-awareness about your unconscious patterns - you can identify what's happening, which is the crucial first step toward change. You likely have good introspective abilities and may be experienced with personal development work.
Your Weaknesses
Despite your awareness, you're still caught in powerful cycles that feel almost compulsive. The strength of these patterns suggests deep neural pathways that will require effort to rewire. You may feel frustrated knowing what you're doing but struggling to stop.
What you can work on
Focus on somatic and nervous system work to address the body-level responses that drive these patterns. Consider EMDR, somatic experiencing, or trauma-informed healing. Practice creating "pause points" between recognizing a pattern and acting on it. Work on building new neural pathways through consistent small actions that go against your typical patterns.
Questions when meeting someone new
What does my body feel like right now - am I getting activated or feeling that familiar pull? Does this person remind me of someone from my past?" "Am I feeling chemistry or am I feeling triggered? What story am I already telling myself about this person?
Questions to break free
What would it feel like to choose someone who feels unfamiliar but safe? What am I afraid will happen if I don't follow this pattern? How can I honor my healing while still remaining open to connection?" What would my wisest, healthiest self choose right now?
Core Early Experiences
- Inconsistent caregiving - Parents who were loving one moment, distant or angry the next, creating anxious attachment where unpredictability feels "normal"
- Emotional parentification - Being the child who managed parents' emotions, making you unconsciously seek partners who need"fixing"
- Trauma bonding experiences - Situations where love and pain were intertwined (abuse followed by affection, creating confusion about what love "feels like")
- Enmeshed family systems - Boundaries wereunclear, teaching you that intensity equals intimacy
- Abandonment experiences - Physical or emotional abandonment that created deep fear, making you unconsciously test partners or choose unavailable people
Moderate Pattern Recognition
You show awareness of some patterns but may still be unconsciously drawn to certain relationship dynamics that don't serve you. Working with these specific areas could significantly change who you're attracted to and who you choose to pursue.
Your Strengths
You have a healthy balance - enough awareness to recognize some patterns but not so entrenched that change feels impossible. You're in an optimal zone for growth, with partial insight that you can build upon.
Your Weaknesses
Your partial awareness can be tricky - you might think you've addressed your patterns when blind spots remain. This could lead you to choose partners who seem different but actually trigger the same underlying dynamics.
What you can work on
Dig deeper into the origins of your patterns through journaling or working with a relationship coach or therapist. Create a detailed "pattern map" of your relationship history to identify subtler themes. Ask trusted friends for feedback about patterns they notice. Practice slowing down your partner selection process to give yourself time to notice red flags or familiar dynamics.
Questions when meeting someone new
What specifically am I attracted to about this person? How does this person handle conflict or stress? Do I feel like I need to change myself to be with them?" "Am I making excuses for any behaviours that feel familiar?
Questions to break free
What patterns have I only partially addressed? Where might I still have blindspots? What would someone who knows me well say about this person? Am I rushing into this connection to avoid sitting with uncertainty?
Core Early Experiences
- Conditional love patterns - Affection was tied to performance, achievement, or behavior, creating unconscious partner selection based on earning love
- One emotionally unavailable parent - Often creates attraction to similar unavailability in partners
- Family conflict patterns - Witnessing unhealthy relationship dynamics that became your template for"normal"
- Early loss or grief - Death, divorce, or separation that created specific attachment fears.
- Perfectionist family systems - Where criticism was common, making you unconsciously comfortable with partners who are critical.
Emerging Pattern Recognition
You've begun recognizing some patterns in your relationships but may still be working to fully understand their origins.With continued reflection, you can make more conscious choices about the partners you select.
Your Strengths
You're at the beginning of a potentially transformative process. Your fresh insights often come with motivation and energy for change. You haven't become stuck in analysis paralysis.
Your Weaknesses
Your limited understanding of pattern origins could mean you address symptoms rather than root causes. You might make surface-level changes while deeper patterns remain intact.
What you can work on
Explore your early attachment experiences and family dynamics to understand where your patterns originated. Work with a therapist or coach who specializes in attachment or relationship patterns. Keep a dating journal to track your emotional responses and decision-making process.Focus on understanding your triggers and what makes certain people feel"familiar."
Questions when meeting someone new
What does this attraction feel like in my body? Does this person treat me with consistent respect? How do I feel about myself when I'm around them? What am I hoping this person will do for me emotionally?
Questions to break free
What did love look like in my family growing up? What am I really looking for in a partner versus what I think I want? What would it mean to choose someone based on how they treat me rather than how they make me feel? What am I afraid to feel if I slow down this process?
Core Early Experiences
- Mixed attachment security - Generally stable but with some inconsistencies that created mild relationship templates
- Sibling dynamics - Birth order or sibling relationships that influenced your role-taking in partnerships
- Cultural/family messaging - Specific beliefs about relationships, gender roles, or love that influence choices
- Adolescent relationship experiences - Formative teenage relationships that created lasting impressions about love
- Socioeconomic stress - Family financial or social pressures that influenced your relationship priorities
Minimal Pattern Recognition
Your responses suggest you may have already done significant work on breaking unhealthy attraction patterns, or you may not experience strong repetitive patterns in your relationship choices.
Your Strengths
Either you've successfully broken cycles through previous work, or you naturally make conscious relationship choices.You likely have healthy relationship skills and clear boundaries.
Your Weaknesses
If you haven't done the deeper work, you might be avoiding patterns through avoidance of intimacy altogether. Alternatively, you could be in denial about subtler patterns that still influence your choices.
What you can work on
If you've done the work, focus on maintaining your progress and staying vigilant about subtle patterns. If you're avoiding intimacy, work on building tolerance for vulnerability and deeper connection. Consider whether you're being too rigid in your boundaries or missing opportunities for growth. Explore any remaining fears around commitment or emotional intimacy.
Questions when meeting someone new
Am I being too cautious or too open? What would healthy vulnerability look like with this person? Am I avoiding connection or genuinely not feeling it? How can I stay open while maintaining my boundaries?
Questions to break free
What am I still afraid of in relationships? Am I avoiding intimacy to avoid patterns, or have I genuinely healed? What would it look like to take a healthy risk in love? How can I balance my hard-won wisdom with openness to new experiences?
Core Early Experiences
- Secure attachment foundation - Consistent, attuned caregiving that created healthy relationship templates
- Conscious family work - Parents who did their own healing work and modeled healthy relationships
- Early trauma with effective healing - Difficult experiences that were properly processed with support
- Diverse relationship models - Exposure to various healthy relationship styles growing up
- Strong individual identity development - Family systems that encouraged autonomy alongside connection
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